Simply Stupid
by TriMinakami
Summary: In a fantasy world where things like dragons and fairies exist, even trouble exists. Emma encounters Saeki Reine, a self-proclaimed "completely normal passing-by average adventurer looking for love", who she decides to follow and assist. On this adventure, both shall meet new friends and enemies... wait, where's the actual cast anyways? / Yep. A story mainly featuring N characters.
1. A Good Traveler isn't Always that Good

**Disclaimer:** Love Live belongs to whoever it belongs to. I do not own Love Live.

When watchi- er, reading, please do not sit too close to the screen. In case of bad eyesight, we recommend increasing the font size by clicking the "A +" button right above this story section, below the summary section. If the plain white background is too bright, we suggest clicking the contrast button that looks like a half-white-half-black non-racist ball, which will make the background black instead, so that it won't be too bright and eye-damaging.

 **"Hey, what's with this beginning statement? Isn't this kinda lame? Helping advertising the features of the site like that..."**

 **"W-well, it's not like everyone knows about it... some people might have never used them before."**

 **"It's been there for ages! Why wouldn't anyone curiously wonder about it and click it and suddenly be delighted!?"**

 **"...please just shut up."**

* * *

Although "normal" would be the word she often used to describe her life, for once, this really wasn't something she would even consider for a moment to be "sane" at all. In fact, now that she thought about it, when did this fantasy world become legitimately available to be called "normal" at all anyways? I mean, seriously? A dragon that can breathe fire, or other dragons that can each breathe different elemental attacks? That's the shit you find in dreams, man, like seriously delusional dreams! Speaking of shit, it would be really great right now if some kind passing-by stranger would save her from this shitty predicament she was in. How shitty was this situation? Well, thinking carefully, she had to admit that having several outlawed adventures after her head wasn't exactly a good thing. And them currently surrounding her right now, with all sorts of weapons charged and prepared to kill her, was definitely "shitty" in her opinion.

Ah, ah, why couldn't a handsome knight in shining armor appear on some amazing white horse right now? Well, not that it can't be a black horse. But typically, one would expect an amazing knight riding a normal brown horse or some super-clean white horse, and always associate black horses with some sort of villain or phantom. How unfair was that? I mean, wasn't that a shitty stereotype? Horse stereotyping. Great! She mentally proposed the kingdom started a campaign against horse stereotyping.

Speaking of campaign, why weren't they doing anything about these outlawed adventurers anyways? Outlawing them and putting them on wanted posters was smart, she guessed, but yo what the heck? The knights weren't even chasing after outlawed adventures roaming around the town freely. It was like they outlawed them so that other adventurers can do all the work instead! Man, what shitty knights this kingdom has!

Ah, speaking of shitty, why isn't she dead yet? Oh, right. Typical slow-motion scenes. These things tend to happen right as a character's about to die. She mentally laughed. She was about to die, wasn't she?

"What's this? A horny bunch of dogs who thinks with their damn short dicks?" a voice spoke up. Before she could even move her head to look at her savior- or actually, before she could even hear the second word of that ridiculously insane comparison, a figure landed right in front of her, emitting some sort of wave that sent the surrounding criminals off their feet.

Well, technically, to be accurate, they were in the midst of jumping anyways, so rather than 'off their feet', they were sent off their... floating feet? Well, she didn't really know how to actually describe this scene that had just unrolled in front of her eyes. Wait... was that a string?

The mysterious person who had appeared to save her, a girl, grinned and made her teeth visible to all. "Well, guess again, you frog-lickers!" She landed on her feet and looked at the supposed leader of the assault group, preparing her weapon- whatever it was- again. "Not gonna happen anytime soon!"

With a swing, the strings surrounding the air moved and the saved victim saw something else move- some sort of round, hard-looking object that was spinning rapidly. "I-is that a _yo-yo!?_ "

The plastic toy smacked the perpetrator right in the kisser, sending him sprawling to the ground on his back on top of other perpetrators. "Ow! W-who are y-"

"Who am I?" the savior asked as her yo-yo returned to her. "That doesn't matter, does it? The real problem here is what you and your horny buddies were planning to do to this old lady."

"O-old!?" the saved girl shrieked. "I-I'll have you know I'm not old! I just became seventeen!" she exclaimed, clearly more enraged than thankful.

"Quit your yapping, granny!" the attacker retorted, shutting her up. "Anyways, what's with all this ganging up on her anyways?" she asked the boss, who was by now shivering as a small amount of blood trickled down his forehead. "Why would you people even want to rape this old lady?"

"Hey!"

The boss shook his head. "Y-you're wrong! W-we, we weren't going to do anything perverted to h-her!" he defended. "S-she, she just witnessed something that s-shouldn't be seen by the public! W-we were simply ordered to get rid of her, I swear, n-nothing disgusting!"

Grinning, the yo-yo wielder bent down and leaned close to the frightened man. "Huh, really?" she asked. He quickly nodded. "Well, _too bad!_ " she screamed, and punched the sitting boss in the jaw across the sky, sending him further away.

" _E-eehhhh!?_ " the seventeen-years old victim yelled in surprise. "B-but wasn't he telling the truth!?" she asked. "I mean, he seems too frightened to lie!"

"Nonsense!" The not-so-friendly rescuer turned to her rescued victim. "According to the evidence I've discovered, I, Saeki Reine, conclude that these scums really are horny bastards wanting to play with your body!" Before the seventeen-years old could say anything, she grinned. "As for the evidence..." she trailed off, leaving an air of suspense in the air. "...I made that up! I got nothing."

The girl tumbled on the ground in anime-style, then got up with boiling anger. "Then what the hell was all the suspense for!?"

"Well, they were probably going to play around with you anytime soon after whatever they wanted to do anyways, right?" Reine shrugged with a nonchalant smile. "I mean, necrophilia is rather quite popular these days, with some people even getting turned on by stuff like that!"

"This has nothing to do with the public necrophilia fanbase in the world!" the girl retorted. "Why are you even mentioning the readers anyways!? We just started this story and you're going to break the fourth wall already!? Didn't you consider the author's feelings at all!? He must be enraged!"

"Well, no, but you're actually doing more damage than me now."

"I- son of a shit!" the girl stomped on the ground, becoming more frustrated. "Forget that! Asides that, why would you even accuse these goons of rape!?" she asked. "These thugs consist of both guys _and girls!_ " She pointed at one groaning female adventurer, who tried to get up but couldn't. "Girls! Also! There!"

Sheepishly scratching her head, Reine looked into the sky. "Well, uh, I guess I ruined some perfect lesbian scenes as well."

"God damn it!" the rescued girl screamed with more frustration. "Rape isn't some damn joke! What kind of hero are you anyways!?"

"Uh, I technically never said I was a her-"

"I won't accept this!" The girl jumped back and landed in a battle pose. She grabbed her shining silver lance and pointed it at her savior. "I, Emma, am really grateful for your attempt to save my life. However, your attitude disgusts me! I shall hereby hand you in along with these thugs to the authorities!" the girl exclaimed with a confident air surrounding her. "I don't know who you are, but Miss Saeki, prepare to be def-"

Suddenly, Emma felt metal placed against the back of her head. "Prepare to die!" the voice of one thug, who managed to get up despite the injuries from a damn yo-yo, echoed behind her ears. Her eyes widened as she realized she was going to die from a gun. Speaking of guns, she wondered what element was the gun being used to shoot her brain. Was it a none-elemental? Or maybe it was a fire-elemental one! That would be cool.

Again, however, she was saved when the last remaining thug was kicked in the face by Reine, who she swore was just in front of her just a second ago. _H-how did she-!?_ The brown-haired girl fell on her knees in shock as the thug was sent crashing into the wall, dropping the gun. She shivered, slowly looking at the thug- completely knocked out- then at her once-again savior- looking down with a serious expression.

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. "..." What was she going to say? Emma herself didn't know. What _could_ she say to the girl who had saved her, yet she tried to subdue? No, furthermore, what could she say to this insanely powerful girl anyways? Just... just... "...w-who are you?" she asked.

Grinning, Reine tucked her yo-yo into her green suit pocket. She didn't let the breeze rubbing against her thighs bother her at all, but instead just let her incredibly short, black skirt rustle. Keeping her right hand in same yo-yo-stuffed pocket of her green suit, she reached her left hand to the zip of the inner yellow jacket she wore under the suit and pulled it down, revealing a white shirt and a red ribbon. "Me?" she asked for clarification, despite how obvious it already was.

Scratching her hair, she brought Emma's attention to the twin buns in Reine's hairstyle. There were some sort of... hairpins keeping the buns intact, specifically golden hairpins that resembled a soccer ball. Asides from that, each bun had a small ponytail, gently rustling from the wind.

Laughing, she pointed to herself. "I'm Saeki Reine, a completely normal passing-by average adventurer looking for love!" she introduced.

A moment of silence passed by, leaving the girl to stand still with her pointing at herself with a proud advertising grin, while the other girl just stared up at her... weird savior.

"...okay..." Emma finally replied with a distant gaze.

"Hey, wait!" Reine exclaimed and pointed at her, blushing. "Y-you totally just thought I was a weirdo, didn't you!?"

The brunette continued staring, then looked somewhere else, her iris slowly moving away. "Well... ye- uh, no."

"You were going to say _'yes'_ , weren't you!?" her ravenette savior retorted. "What kind of opinion is that towards the girl who saved your life!?"

"...well... tehehe?"

"Don't _'tehehe'_ me! This is clearly a crime!" Reine screamed.

"W-wait, wait, I get it, so..." Emma coughed to herself, blushing a bit. "...t-thank you for saving me, um, Miss Saeki. I appreciate it..." she said. " _...no matter how weird you are._ "

"She just added something really rude at the end!" the ravenette yelled. "Oi! I don't care who you are, you better pay up for my help!"

"Huh?" the brunette groaned as she got up, no longer amazed or afraid. "Y-you're going to charge me!?"

"Well, duh! My services aren't free." Reine grinned. "By the way, that'll be around 1,000 yen please."

Emma frowned. "I thought you were just a travelling adventurer, not a freelancer..." Sighing to herself, she took out her wallet and zipped it open. "Well, I guess I can't help it. I _do_ owe you now, after all..." she murmured, before pulling out ten coins. "Here, ten 100 yen coins. I hope you're satisfied." Putting her wallet away, she frowned at the yo-yo wielder. "My name is Emma, by the way, not ' _you_ '."

"Emma, Menma, who cares?" Reine shrugged it off as she put the coins in her pocket, the one without her yo-yo. "I'm not trying to help some ghost girl rest in piece."

"You're trying to piss off Ano**na fans, aren't you...?" the brunette scowled.

"Absolutely not."

Sighing again, just as Reine began walking away, the girl decided to follow her. "So?" she began. "What are you planning to buy with my 1,000 yen, oh great hero?" she asked. "Are you going to spend it all at the bar? Or food, or to flirt with men?" Her savior did not respond, but just continued walking. "Or maybe you're going to find something cool to buy and make you look popular? Hmm, perhaps you're going to give the money to some secret hidden person who is ill and trying to survive. A touching backstory, it would be." Emma sighed. "Hey, stop ignoring me, Miss Saeki. Heroes should behave more properly, you know? The kingdom would be disappointed in you..." Her savior stopped walking. "...Miss Saeki?" she said.

Sighing, Reine didn't look back. "Menma."

"My name's Emma!" the brunette screamed. "How hard is it to remember that!? It's Emma, not Menma!" She raised her hands angrily. " _Em-ma! Not Men-ma!_ "

"Don't..." Reine muttered, silencing the raging girl with confusion. "...ever lump me with those brainless shrimps."

She frowned. "What-"

Glaring at the victim she rescued herself, Reine showed no traces of emotions. "Heroes? Don't make me laugh. _This town definitely can't protect anyone for shit._ "

"M-Miss Saeki...?" Emma didn't say anything else. She stared in shock at her savior, who, for a brief moment, looked as thought she could kill someone any moment.

"So please, don't lump me with those useless things." Yawning, she continued walking, leaving behind a still-shocked brunette before she shook her head and chased after the girl.

"W-wait up, Miss Saeki!" the girl exclaimed, following her. "W-what did you mean by that just now? Do you hate heroes or something?" Scratching her head, the brunette walked alongside her savior. "And isn't this bad? Only a few minutes into the story and you already stirred up some kind of tension and hints of dark backstory. And you dismissed it within, I don't know, less than ten seconds!" She flailed her arms, worried. "Isn't that just the typical cliched 'main character with dark backstory' plot being shamelessly hinted around!?"

"Quit your yapping, Menma." Reine yawned and made a turn, then entered a shop, ignoring the girl who followed inside after her. "You were just hearing things."

"Uh, no, I definitely wasn't 'just hearing things'!" the girl yelled. "And my name is Emma, for Christ's sake!"

"Emma, Menma, who cares?" Reine shrugged it off as she examined the sword in the store. "I'm not trying to help some ghost girl rest in piece."

Emma sighed. "You're trying to piss off Ano**na fans, aren't yo- wait, we already did this stupid gag!"she screamed and smacked her savior's head. "What is wrong with you!?" Panting, the girl glared at the lady in front of her, starting to wish someone else had saved her. "We're 2444 words into the story! Why are you reusing a quote from a few minutes ago to increase the word count!? An average fanfiction's number of words are usually around 1000 words or a bit more, there was no need to increase it by reusing some crap!"

"Oi, now," Reine wiggled her finger, "don't go around breaking the fourth wall. The shitty author will bawl his eyes out, you know?" she said. "Oh, this looks like a nice sword."

"Listen to me!" the brunette exclaimed. "And wait, you just called him a shitty author, didn't you?" she asked to make sure. "You did, right? Hey, hey!"

"Sir, I'll be taking this sword that looks like a samurai sword and might actually be one." The man looked at Reine and nodded. "1000 yen, right?"

"That's right."

"You're not listening!" Emma screamed. The two walked out the store, with the brunette still shouting about things the other girl did that pissed her off. "What's wrong with you anyways!? You must not be as popular as I thought, seriously! This kind of attitude must make everyone want to kick the hell out of you!"

Reine smiled. "Wow, this sword looks good."

Emma growled. "You're not listening, are you!? Oi, Miss Saeki! Seriously! Listen to me!" she shouted. "I'm warning you! Who knows what-" Before she could finish, her mouth were suddenly blocked. Her vision was covered by the other girl's face, a soft sensation pressed against her lips. " _M-mn!?_ " Her cheeks suddenly became burning hot as she felt her legs weakening. _I-is she-!?_ After a few seconds, when Emma was completely frozen in shock, Reine broke the kiss. "Wh... what... awawa... w-what was..."

"Hihi. You were being too loud," the ravenette replied and walked away, waving her new sword. "So I silenced you."

"B-b-but... but that..." the brunette murmured, unable to stop blushing. "That was... m-my... my... my first k-ki... kiss..."

Reine shrugged. "Not my problem."

Gritting her teeth, Emma ran towards the girl. "Y-you... you _jerk!_ " she screamed, punching the girl's back.

" _W-waaarghh! T-that hurts!_ " Reine shrieked. Landing on the ground, she was about to clutch her back in pain, but paled when she heard more of the brunette's footsteps. "A-ah, wait, Menma, d-don't!"

" _My name's Emma!_ " A loud thwacking noise resounded throughout the town.

* * *

 **"...doesn't this kinda look bad?"**

 **"Huuuh? What are you talking about?"**

 **"I mean... well, this is a Love Live fanfiction, right? For some reason, an actual Love Live character hasn't shown up yet! Won't the readers be bored or think this was posted in the wrong category?"**

 **"Menma, Menma, Menma... don't be stupid."**

 **"My name's Emma!"**

 **"Let's be real here. Surely, at least most of the readers must have played Love Live, School idol festival. Am I right?"**

 **"But it's not like they remember the name of every N card, right!?"**

 **"That's not the point! The point is that we're still Love Live characters!"**

 **"But Miss Saeki, I'm pretty sure everyone prefers to see Ayase Eri or Toujou Nozomi rather than some unpopular nobodies!"**

 **"Well they can screw off and die then!"**

 **"O-oi! That's not something you should say to the readers!"**

 **"Who cares!?"**

 **"Everyone does!"**

 **"Ow!"**


	2. This Isn't How I Wanted to Become Famous

**Disclaimer:** Love Live belongs to whoever it belongs to. I do not own Love Live.

When reading, if one feels uncomfortable in any way, it is advised to see in what way they feel uncomfortable. In the case of hurting eyes, we recommend taking a nap and letting the pain fade. In the case of headaches, we also recommend taking a nap and letting the pain fade. In the case of a growing stick, we recommend using a moderate amount of tissues to-

 **"Ooiii! Why would you even think the readers were looking at porn while reading this piece of shit!?"**

 **"W-well, these days kids _are_ finding out about these things a lot faster than when they're supposed to."**

 **"What's with this after-opening message anyways!? Why even indirectly mentioning porn of all things!?"  
**

 **"E-ehh, Miss Saeki, just leave it at that..."**

 **"No! This is completely bullshit! I demand the author be castrated immediately! Viva la resistance!"**

 **"T-that's too much!"**

* * *

"Thank you for gathering here, dear fans!" the man shouted with a smile plastered onto his face. "As you all know, today is the special day where you will get a chance to interact with the special half-human, half-demon star, Hyoudou Sayuri!" Loud cheers emitted from the crowd, all towards the girl sitting in a chair near the announcer. "And after all the questions you have asked her, she is really tired. However! To be kind, we will have one more event involving Miss Hyoudou here!" More cheers. He passed the mic to the girl, who stood up.

She had sharp red demon horns sticking besides her head, and wore a red cape to emphasize on the 'demon' part. (Or royalty, for that matter). Other than that, she wore a pink uniform-like shirt which was equipped with a gold-framed dark-blue shoulder pad, which had those fluttery strips around the edge. Another item quipped to the shirt was her black breastplate, also gold-framed. Her pants matched her shit, being light pink, and a royal black/gold stripe traced down her pants' side, embed with small pieces of gold. Some sort of magenta ribbon was tied around her waist.

"Thank you, everyone! I'm really grateful!" the star cheered. "Despite how busy you kind adventurers are, you took your time off to come to this event just to meet me- I'm really touched... thank you!" Everyone roared in agreement, with mixed responses including one proclaiming their love for her and such fanboy/fangirl things.

Jumping with joy, she performed a pose with her fingers spread open in a 'V' shape, earning more applause and cheers and comments about cuteness.

"Anyways," Sayuri chuckled, "the final event is a challenge."

This earned a confused exhale from many of the audiences.

She waited until everything quietened down, and smiled. "You see, I'm quite a popular adventurer, I get that, but... despite all the things I do, I still think I'm a rookie!"

"No, of course you're not a rookie!" many screamed. "You're the best in our hearts, Sayuri!"

"Hahaha, I know you guys would disagree. So here's the catch;" she took in a deep breath, "I'll join the party of whoever can surprise me!"

A moment of silence took over the bar for a while, before everyone shrieked in surprise. " _Eehhhhh!?_ "

* * *

(Opening Theme 1)  
("Bokura no LIVE Kimi to no LIFE")

(I like tuna.)

* * *

"...eh? What was that?" Emma frowned. "What was that just now, Miss Saeki? Why did the author just mention tuna?"

"Stop yapping in my ear!" the ravenette replied, getting up from her sofa. "How would I know what the shitty author is thinking anyways? What am I, the shitty coauthor of the shitty author!?" She glared at her uninvited guest. "And speaking of shitty, what kind of shitty way is this to begin a shitty chapter? And to begin with, what the hell are you doing in my shitty house anyways!?" Reine pointed at Emma. "Who invited you to my house anyways!?"

"This whole 'shitty' business again, huh..." the brunette sighed. "That asides, come on, nothing wrong with me being here."

"There's a whole plenty of shit wrong with you being here!" Reine pointed to herself. "First of, this is _my_ house! I live alone here, so anything inside goes by _my_ rules!" Then she pointed to her guest. "Secondly, _you_ are not uninvited! So you better get out!"

Emma frowned. "But... Miss Saeki, aren't you lonely?" she asked.

"Of course not! I have friends!" Reine pointed to the area above her fireplace- just below some kind of weird nature-themed painting, there was an area that allowed you to put a few things on it. A few framed pictures were placed there. "I got friends everywhere. No need to be lonely." As if to prove her point, she pulled out a doll from behind the sofa. "Friends. Everywhere."

"...right." The brunette walked around, gazing here and there. She finally stopped and stared at the pictures above the fireplace. "...Miss Saeki, are these-"

"Nope, never heard of them," Reine cut her off. "They're just pictures that my mother brought me."

"...but isn't that you right the-"

"Absolutely not."

"..." The brunette sighed. It didn't look like she would get anything out of her lone savior soon. "So, uh... aren't you going to go adventuring?" she asked. "I mean, you can't really call yourself an adventurer if you don't do some adventures..."

Grinning, the other girl firmly patted the brunette. "Well, you see, I'm looking for someone to join me in my pointle- uhh, my meaningful quest of nothingness!" she exclaimed. "And I'm totally not lazy."

 _This girl is just plain horrible!_ Emma scratched her head. "...w-well... then maybe I could-"

"Rejected."

She banged her hands on the table. "Why!?" the brunette screamed.

Reine shrugged. "You seem like a sadist."

"How!?" Panting, Emma sat down. _It's only morning and she's already pissing me off..._ _wait._ She looked up. "Well, if not, then... I think I know someone who might be willing to join."

The ravenette smiled. "Oh, really? Better not be a trick."

Emma sweat-dropped. "Of course I wouldn't trick you... but there's kind of a catch." She scratched her head, waiting for any questions. "You see, uh, she's a... rather popular adventurer... though that's only because she's good looking and the men are perverts who turned her into some sort of idol for them." Pausing, she waited again for any questions. When the ravennete signaled for her to go on, she sighed. "Um, exactly today, she's... hosting a special event... where, if you can surprise her, she'll join your party."

"Really!?" Reine asked. "...wait, 'surprise'? What is this, some kind of comedy-suspense show!?"

"Hehehe, well... sort of? Maybe?" Emma scratched her head. "I'm guessing she just... wants to have an exciting journey?"

"I got it." The ravenette grinned, rubbing her chin like a successful detective. "What she wants... is a dramatic journey to find the seven magical balls so that she can summon a legendary dragon that grants wishes, am I right?"

"This isn't Dra**n Ball!" Emma retorted.

Posing a thumbs-up, Reine gave a cartoon-like smile. "Z Kai!"

"No!"

* * *

The two entered the bar, one slightly covering her eyes for a short while when a loud uproar occurred. "Wow, this place is seriously loud... my fashion sense is being ruined."

"Umm, Miss Saeki, I don't think that's how 'fashion sense' works..." Emma whispered.

"Don't be picky, girl." Reine stood in a victorious pose, grinning. "If you want to pick something, then pick your-"

The brunette thwacked her head, however. "Don't be disgusting!"

"Ow!" Reine groaned and rubbed her head, before pushing her way through the crowd. "Alright, alright, get out of my way!" One by one, each person in front of her began to notice her and, not wanting to be pushed, started stepping away. The girl deep in the crowd, with her demon horns, gasped.

"Oh, do we have another challenger?" Sayuri asked.

"You bet you do!" the ravenette grinned... before scratching her head. "Uh, by the way, Menma, what was I supposed to do again?"

Everyone fell in a comical style, before laughing. The brunette in particular growled. "You have to surprise her, you idiot! And my name's Emma!"

"Calm down, Genma." Reine shook her head, disappointed. "If you get too angry, you'll be killed by Baki, you brash gecko."

"I just said it's Emma!" the girl screamed back. "And the one Baki killed isn't Genma, it's Hayate anyways! He's not even a gecko, his last name is Gekkou!" Panting, she growled again. "And wait, why are you even referencing someone from _Na**to_ anyways!? This is a _Love Live_ story, completely unrelated to that ninja wannabe series!"

"Whoa, you're breaking the fourth wall again," the other girl replied, "and this time you're offending all the Na**to fans. Disgrace on you, Ranma."

"It's Emma!"

The crowd stirred. " _Get on with it!_ " many people yelled.

"A-ah, hahaha," Reine laughed nervously, "sorry to all of you. This young missy just wouldn't shut up about her obsession with _Ninja **ttori_."

Turning red in anger more than embarrassment, Emma exclaimed, "That's a completely different series you numskull!"

Shrugging in a taunting manner, Reine turned to the patient star. "Sorry, uh, Hanayori..."

The star laughed. "That's from _Owari no **raph_ ," she pointed out.

"Umm... then, _Hana**mata_?" the heroine took another guess.

" _She switched from character name to a manga title!_ " Emma commented, starting to feel embarrassed.

Laughing again, Sayuri stood up. "You seem like a funny person. Maybe you can surprise me!" she said with a wink. This gained lots of cheers from the surrounding crowd. When the screams died down, she chuckled. "You seem interesting. What's your name, challenger? I might join your-" Everything went silent. She frowned... or rather, she couldn't, her eyes widening instead as her mouth wouldn't move.

Gently, Reine parted her lips from the star's, a grin plastered on her face as she ignored the shocked faces of everyone. "I'm Saeki Reine, thank you very much."

 _...huh?_ Emma stared with a deadpanned expression. _Did she just... really do that?_

As Sayuri sat back down on her chair, her face completely red and silent, Reine patted her head. "To be specific, I am a completely normal passi-"

" _DIE!_ " several people screamed at once, throwing things at the ravenette.

" _Who the hell is she!?_ "

" _She stole our Sayuri's lips! Punishment is in order!_ "

" _Sayuri has been dirtied!_ "

" _My life is oveeeeeer!_ "

" _No, seriously, tuna is amazing._ "

Reine scowled from all the objects being thrown at her. "G-gaaah! W-wait! Who was that last one about tuna!?" she screamed during the uproar. "S-seriously! That sounds like that weird thing from right after the opening seque-"

"...!" Sayuri stood up all of a sudden. Surprised, the onslaught stopped and everyone stared at the idol-adventurer. Blushing, she turned to the robber of her first kiss, fidgeting with her hands. "...u-umm... Miss, uh, Saeki... right?" she asked. The ravenette nodded. Scratching her hair, and then her small demon horns, she bowed. "N-nice to meet you... I'm... I'm Hyoudou Sayuri. Please take care of me."

Everyone screamed. " _Eeehhhhh!?_ "

"Lucky winner!" Reine shouted, jabbing her fists to the air as a sign of victory. "How's that, you plebeians!? This shows how amazing I am, and proves just how much worse you people are!" She patted Sayuri, earning a small shy squeak from the half-human, half-demon celebrity. "She's my partner from now on, so suck it!"

The crowd watched with jealousy and anger as the ravenette grabbed Sayuri by her hands and walked out the bar, the half-demon waving a distracted and nervous bye to everyone. The two stepped outside and stared at the sky. "...M-Miss Saeki, right?" the girl repeated quietly.

"Yup!" Pointing to herself, the heroine formed a grin. "Stick with me, and you'll be famous in no time!"

"...heeeeh? You kissed her without any hesitation, huh?" Emma whispered behind her, sending the girl jumping and shivering.

"A-ahh, uhh, Emma? Uh, hi there!" Reine nervously laughed. "I, haha, didn't see you here at all..."

" _You kissed her so easily as if you've kissed many girls before..._ " the brunette scowled. "So... you're a womanizer now, am I right?"

Stepping back, the ravenette increased her nervous laughing volume. "W-well, uh, you see, it was for the competition to get new members, you know? You understand, right?"

Emma gritted her teeth. " _So_ my _first kiss isn't enough? You needed to get Miss Hyoudou's first kiss too? Seems fun..._ "

Sayuri blushed, but gasped and turned to her new partner. "H-huh...?" she whimpered. "T-that was.. my first kiss, but... you kissed this girl before...?"

For a moment, Reine stayed silent before laughing, surprising the two. "Hahaha, don't worry, both of you. I can guarantee you," she said and winked, "you two aren't my first kiss at all!"

"..." Emma looked to Sayuri.

"..." Sayuri looked to Emma.

The two nodded, then suddenly lifted Reine up. "W-wha- hey, w-where are you girls taking me?" she asked, but got no response. The group walked to the bridge, then turned to the river under the bridge. "A-ah, what are you two doing? H-hey, this isn't funny, let me down!"

"Hip..." they muttered with a bored face. "Hip..." they said again, reeling the girl back, and finally, just as Reine shrieked, "...hoooraaaaaaay..." they muttered, throwing the girl into the river like dead weight.

"G _aaaaaah! Someone help meeeee!_ " And then a splash noise was heard.

A few minutes later, she was prostrating on the ground, sopping wet with water dripping from her hair. The other two girls were standing in front of her, clearly pissed.

"Ah... uh... I, Saeki Reine, and sorry for stealing your first kisses, and am the worst human being in this world," the ravenette slowly said.

"Hmph, good," Emma stuttered. "At least you learnt your lesson."

Sayuri touched her lips. "W-well... not that I mind."

"You should!" the brunette responded.

Laughing, Reine waved her hand. "Nah, it's not like first kisses are a big deal, to begin with."

Emma pointed at her, fuming. "I don't want to hear that from _you!_ "

"I-it was... quite romantic, actually, hehe..." the black-haired star murmured, blushing and peeking at Reine every now and then.

" _Is this how you want your first love's story to be!?_ " Emma screamed. _N-not that I'm any better..._

"Not that you are any better," Reine commented nonchalantly.

"Don't read my mind!"

A shrug. "Not my fault you're so easy to read."

Another angry glare. "Am not!"

"U-umm," Sayuri interrupted, "are we... uh, going to explore the world anytime soon?"

"Ah, that..." Reine shrugged. "I did that a lot already, so... perhaps some other time."

Emma hit the ravenette's head. "Then why did you win her then!?"

"Tehe~"

"Don't _tehe_ me!"

Suddenly, as if a plot twist had been randomly stirred up without any thoughts given, the door was pushed open by a seemingly strong force and some scary-looking muscular adventures rushed it, along with some menacing female ones as well. The uninvited group surrounded the three, pointing their weapons (or readying their tomes and magics, whatever shenanigans) at the trio. "Halt!" they shouted.

"W-what's going on!?" Emma and Sayuri questioned nervously.

"..."

The door opened again, and this time a seemingly higher-ranking person walked in. The goons partly opened and let the person walk into the circle, and then closed off the escape path again. The newcomer grinned, and Sayuri gasped.

"M-manager!?" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

The manager pointed to Reine. "You, I am impressed." She adjusted her glasses. "We had Sayuri host that special event because we knew that nothing would be able to surprise her." Proudly, she pointed to herself. "After all, I was the one who trained her to expect anything! But I was definitely not expecting someone to succeed anyways." Reine raised an eyebrow, wondering what she had to do with all this, before remembering that she was the one who won the popular-but-beginner adventurer. "So I did some research into you. At first it seems like you're just a nobody that came out of nowhere, but... what a surprise! An infamous ex-soldier who used to work for the Takamagahara family famed for their specialty in machines, and who participated in the massacre of the Otonokizaka Village..."

"Wait, what?" Emma whispered. "What did you just say?" Perhaps she didn't hear clearly. Did she? What was that about-

"Do you know how much money I can get if I turn you in!?" the manager laughed. "I can get Sayuri back to my business and continue to fool these stupid fans! And all I have to do is get you captured by the ones after your head... therefore, I have assembled warriors who are willing to share the profit with me." She pointed to the heroine. "Saiki, you are hereby under-"

" _Get the fuck outside right now! It's too sweaty in here!_ " Reine shouted.

All the uninvited hostile warriors jumped before sheepishly walking outside. "R-right..." the manager murmured weakly, heading outside as well.

The trio followed them outside, and our favorite (not-really) ravenette looked around. "That's better. Continue."

The manager coughed. "A-as I was saying... Saiki, you are hereby under arrest for participation in the massacre of Otonokizaka Village!"

Sayuri frowned. "M-manager, what are you doing!?"

A grin was sent to the innocent half-devil girl. "Sayuri, dear, this is for your own good."

Emma gritted her teeth, glaring at the adventurers who prepared their weapons once more. "Damn it... so this is going to be a fight, huh?"

"Uhhh..." Everyone turned their heads to Reine. "I... think you got the wrong person."

The evil manager frowned. "Huh?"

Shrugging, Reine pointed to herself. "My name's Saeki Reine... Saeki, not Saiki."

"..." Paling, all adventurers stepped asides while the manager coughed. "I... I apologize. You can go. Just... please don't tell anyone."

Reine nodded. "Thanks. Come on, Menma, Sayuri."

"A-ah, okay!" Sayuri squeaked, still confused about the whole thing.

Emma pouted. "It's Emma, geez... you even called me Emma correctly once a few minutes ago."

As the three walked away from the scene, however, suddenly a librarian rushed up to the area. "A-ah, there you are, miss!" she shouted to the manager, stopping everyone in their tracks. "I- I just wanted to inform you I gave you the wrong name! U-um," the librarian showed an open book with a picture of someone in it, "I- I remembered the wrong name and opened the wrong personal profile page. Here, the one you're looking for is, u-umm, this person."

"...this looks exactly like you," the manager commented as she stared at Reine, who stood still for a while.

"...let's go!" the ravenette finally exclaimed, grabbing both her partners' hands by force and running away. "Yoinks!"

"What the-" Emma and Sayuri had no time to react before being pulled.

Turning red with anger, the manager growled. "After her!" she exclaimed.

The trio headed towards an exit of the city while still being chased, which was a path to a forest that would lead to the outside world.

* * *

"Wait! Is this really how our adventure's going to start!?" Emma screamed. "This isn't how I wanted to become famous!"

Reine rolled her eyes. "Oh, deal with it."

"Hihihi, e-everything sounds exciting though!" Sayuri commented with a happy expression.

The brunette cried. "You guys are the worst!"

* * *

(Ending Theme 1)  
("baby maybe Koi no Button")

(Tuna makes the world go round.)

* * *

 **"Huh!? There it is again, Miss Saeki! Something about tuna is mentioned again!"**

 **"Like I said, stop telling me these things! I'm not the shi- uh, stupid author's coauthor!"**

 **"That didn't really change the fact that you insulted the author, Miss Saeki."**

 **"Shut up! Isn't this supposed to be the short segment after the ending theme that gives a preview of the next chapter!?"**

 **"What is this, an anime!? Stop trying to imitate it!"**

 **"Well, I can't help it! The author's the one doing all this shit!"**

 **"Speaking of shit, that was a shitty move you played on Miss Hyoudou."**

 **"Why are you talking about this chapter's event!? We're supposed to give a preview of the next, not this one!"**

 **"S-shut up! It's not like I care anyways! Hmph!"**

 **"Wha- ow!"**


	3. Why is a non-N Character Appearing Now?

**Disclaimer:** Love Live belongs to whoever it belongs to. I do not own Love Live.

When reading, if one is bored of the story, there are many actions you can take. You can quit reading the garbage you are currently reading right now and find something else better. Or you can be a whiny bitch and complain about things. Or you can be a helpful citizen and give a proper criticism. But in the writer's opinion, a truly good story is one that can be enjoyed, therefore please do not try to rub off your opinions on anyone, and simply limit yourself to pointing out mistakes and such.

 **"Hey, what is this...? It seems like this became some kind of consulting area."**

 **"Hi! My name's Hyoudou Sayuri, and from today on I'm going to be joining the main cast! Uehehe~!"**

 **"No, really! The previous chapters as well, they have some weird beginning notes right after the disclaimer..."**

 **"I hope you all can take care of me."**

 **"...umm, Sayuri, are you... ignoring me?"**

 **"Emma, stop your yapping and get to work."**

 **" _You_ shouldn't be the one to tell me that while sleeping around, Miss Saeki!"  
**

* * *

"Hey... Emma, pass me a Pocky." Reine yawned as she stretched her arm back to scratch her, well, back. The other arm extended towards the said girl to wait for a Pocky. "And make sure it's chocolate."

Emma, who was sitting and reading a book, frowned. "Uh, no Miss Saeki, I'm not even eating anything."

The first girl sighed. "So helpful there, Emma... Sayuri, pass me a Pocky."

"Uh, that was sarcasm, wasn't it?" Emma muttered loud enough for the first to hear, whom ignored it. "Someday you're going to regret your attitude."

Sayuri then opened the door so violently, the loud banging noise could probably be heard throughout the entire neighborhood. "I bought five boxes of chocolate-flavored Pocky for you, Miss Saeki!" she exclaimed, dropping them off onto the table in front of the two characters.

"T-that was fast!" Emma exclaimed. She paused and stared at... hey, what are you doing? Don't mind the screen, get on with it. She continued staring before looking back at the Reine, who was already onto her second box of Pocky.

The carefree yoyo-swordsgirl smiled in delight. "Now this is paradise... yes, a life of laziness and po-"

"Wait!" Emma screamed. "What the heck is this!? Why are we back in the story!?" she questioned. The other two looked back at her. "I mean, to begin with, this is the worst way to even start the third chapter! Won't this confuse the heck out of our readers!?"

Reine shrugged. "Well, I mean, it's just a small break from writing... of course this story would return."

"It's been five entire months and almost two weeks since the last update now!" the brunette retorted. "And, like, after all the rising tension from the last chapter's ending, it'd enrage everyone on the FanFiction community to see we're suddenly all safe without any explanations!"

"Well, if that's the problem," Sayuri spoke up, "then let's go to another website to post the story then! Like Archive of Our Own or FictionPress!" she suggested. "Then there won't be any whiners from the FanFiction community anymore!"

"That's not even solving anything!" Emma shouted. "The author's too lazy to keep moving so we're staying here on FanFiction! And FictionPress won't even accept us since this isn't an original story!"

Reine shook her head. "No, you guys are going off the topic here." Then she pointed to her empty Pocky box, four other empty boxes scattered on the table. "Anyways, I ran out of Pocky. I'm still hungry." To that, Emma responded by taking an empty box of Pocky and throwing it directly onto Reine's forehead. "O-ow."

Sayuri frowned. "Speaking of which... what were we even doing in the previous chapter?"

"Good question, Sayuri." Reine smiled. "Perhaps we were getting some money from innocent bystanders."

"Don't tell lies!" Emma exclaimed. "Why would you even target innocent people anyways!?"

Shaking her head in disappointment, the main protagonist patted the brunette. "Emmy, oh Emmy... everyone commits crimes at some point in their lives, so we'll call it divine retribution."

"Retribution my ass! This story is going to hell if we keep this nonsense up!" In anger, Emma grabbed her spear but lost grip and it stuck to the ceiling. The three stared up at it, watching as the crack grew wider. "...I'm sorry, Miss Saeki."

Suddenly, the background crumbled to pieces and they were in town. The evil manager and her goonies stood near them, with evil grins on their faces. "...well, we're back to continue the previous chapter now," Reine said.

Sayuri giggled. "Stay tuned for more!"

"This isn't a TV show!"

* * *

(Opening Theme 1)  
("Bokura no LIVE Kimi to no LIFE")

(Surprisingly, rabbitman has a great voice.)

* * *

As birds chirped and fluttered away on random timings, few feathers and leaves gently floated down and rested on the ground. One leaf ended up losing its flight on brown hair, to which a hand swatted it away with a groan. "M-Miss Saeki... that weird thing happened again..." she groaned. "Now there's something about a rabbit man..."

"Oh, that?" Reine shrugged. "That's just the author shamelessly advertising the things she enjoys." Tilting her head slightly, the ravenette smiled as she explained to her new comrades, "You see, by mentioning things that makes her readers curious, she hopes that she is indirectly helping a bit in making them popular."

Sayuri frowned. "She?"

"Our author's a girl!?" Emma said. She was briefly hit by a branch that she pushed away just a second ago. "G-gah!"

"No, it's a guy." Snickering, our heroine pointed up into the sky, assuming it was the generic fourth wall location. "He's just delusional and wants to be a girl, for his stupid lesbian fantasies."

Sweat-dropping, the brunette stared up as well. "I-is it really alright to be insulting the author like that?"

"Haha, of course it is! It's not like he wi-" Reine froze. "...!" She grabbed around her mouth, trying to find something, but her finger never touched her lips nor entered her mouth. In fact... her mouth wasn't even there. She paled. "!?"

"M-Miss Saeki's mouth disappeared!?" Sayuri and Emma exclaimed. Staring at the panicking ravenette, the _other_ black-haired girl (the popular beginner one with demon horns) clicked her tongue and looked away. " _T-they were soft too... tch..._ "

Emma, who didn't hear the last part properly, noticed her expression. "Why are you disappointed!?"

Desperate for her mouth back, Reine landed on her knees and bowed down, praying to the skies without any words but simply mumbled noises. Suddenly, her mouth magically came back. "A-ah! My mouth! They came back!"

"You probably learnt your lesson..." her brown-haired partner sighed.

Sayuri scratched her cheeks. "I... I've been wondering for a while, but..." she paused and looked around the bright environment. There was a peaceful breeze flowing against everyone, and simple chirping noises, but absolutely nothing else caught their interest. "I thought this forest... was known for being one of the main habitats of goblins."

"N-now that you mention it..." Emma glared at a nearby bush. It immediately started rustling suspiciously. "Damn it! N-now you've done it, Sayuri!"

"M-me!?"

Nodding, the brunette explained, "You see, some adventure stories have this trend of monsters appearing when people point out the lack of monsters, sometimes always appearing during important conversations!"

Reine coughed, interrupting the explanation. "No, that's just stupid coincidence. So far, we've been tailed by more than twenty goblins for quite a while now."

"Yeah, we- wait, _what!?_ " Emma shrieked. _Wait... now that you mention it..._ she squinted her eyes in a direction, spotting a hidden figure with green skin, and several more hiding in areas near it. _Wow, that's a lot..._

"Sayuri, can you use magic?" Reine asked. The second black-haired girl nodded. "That's good... can you aim fire magic around us?"

"W-wait, but we're in a forest!" Emma exclaimed. "Won't this-"

"It won't," her 'leader' cut her off. "This forest is specially known to be immune to burning. I don't know how it works, as well, but that's why this place is a popular training place for beginner mages." Grinning, she looked around at the approaching goblins who decided it was time to attack the lone group of adventurers. "Sayuri, when I say fire, rele- _nevermind, fire now!_ " Reine shouted the moment the goblins jumped out the bushes.

Nodding, the half-demon girl raised her hand and charged. "T-take this!" she exclaimed and caused a ball of fire to appear in front of them, then controlling it to circle the group and fly into a unsuspecting goblins. They screeched and jumped back, rubbing their burnt skin.

As time passed, the fireball got bigger and the movement of its circular movement increased its force as well, and if one were to look from above, it would have looked like the forest finally caught on fire.

"W-whoa!" Emma gasped. "Sayuri, you can use magic that powerful!?"

The idol, however, flinched a bit in surprise and confusion. "Eh, uhh, this is b-beginner-level fire magic..."

"Beginner-level!? This looks strong as hell!"

Reine patted the brunette, earning a barely audible purr of delight. "Magic power has more to do with how you control it," she explained. "While most games often limit the power of beginner-level magic to show the differences in power, any actual magic can be effective." She raised her hand, showing five fingers. "There are currently five levels of any category of skills for most people- beginner, intermediate, advanced, expert and master." Pointing to the direction of her town, the two no longer payed any attention to the goblins or the fire-controlling Sayuri (who also listened). "Some officials in few countries are people who exceed the five levels of techniques, however, and has mastered the sixth level- Beast."

"Beast?" Emma whispered. "That actually sounds more like they're wild and uncontrollable and not that great..."

"Exactly." Reine, with her hand, made a swift motion and pretended to cut her own head off. "Beast-level skills are usually super powerful but harmful to oneself as well, resulting in a _'we both lose or I lose'_ situation. In a simpler way of speaking, it's basically a suicide-based categorization." She raised a finger from another hand. "Then, there's the seventh skill level that only three known people have reached- God-level."

Gulping nervously, Emma ignored the sweat that slid down her head as more fire raged across the nonflammable forest. Several cries were let out as goblins dropped here and there, but they didn't block out Emma's ears. "G-God... level?"

"That's right." The ravenette scowled. "Not actually god-like powers, but they're magic so powerful that even kings fear them. One may be treated like an amazing hero, but behind his or her back, an entire country or two or even a continent could be viewing them as a huge threat and planning to dispose of them." She looked at the sky again. "That's why we hardly have any true heroes. Just stupid, greedy idiots."

"..." Emma shrugged and focused back on the goblins, or what was left of them. She gasped with shock. "W-wow, they're all burnt!" she noted. "Sayuri, you really are amazing!"

"E-ehehe, th-thank you...?" the popular beginner replied, unsure of her own skills. "Though it wasn't really that much... hehe..."

"Not that much? It looked too amazing!" the brunette exclaimed. "You've got to teach me magic sometimes!"

Sayuri blushed at the compliment, unable to decide how to respond to that. "E-eh, uh..."

"And now Sayuri-sensei's at loss..." Reine muttered.

"S-sensei!?" Blushing further, the half-demon girl turned redder and quietly squealed to herself. "I-I don't know why, but that sounds... kind of good... hehe..."

"Come back to us, senseeeiiii!" Emma yelled.

The beginner flinched and coughed, looking away. "Okay..."

The shrub behind them rustled, and the three turned around. "Still more?" Emma wondered. "I was sure Sayuri got rid of them all already..."

"Sayuri, shoot again," Reine whispered.

"S-sure!" Chanting a spell, Sayuri raised her wand and shot out a powerful beginner-leveled fireball.

To their surprise, it was deflected away by something. "W-what!?" Emma grabbed her spear and prepared to charge in.

" _Halt!_ " a voice exclaimed. The three froze as someone stepped out of the bush. Slowly, the light reached her and showed her appearance. A dark-blue haired girl wearing strong metal armor, wielding a huge broadsword strapped on her back. She had two braids and a long ponytail. "Do not use anymore of your fire magic. I do not wish to harm anyone."

"Hold on here!" Emma exclaimed. "What is the meaning of this!?"

The girl frowned. "W-what? Of what? I, I do not understa-"

"This is supposed to be a story for N characters!" the brunette exclaimed. "Why is she, someone from the new Love Live Sunshine series, a _main character_ , even here!?"

Matsuura Kanan, the newcomer, frowned more. "U-uh, I... okay?"

 _Somewhere far away, a mysterious person sat on the table, typing on his laptop. It laughed with its creepy double-voiced... uh, voice, and snapped its fingers. "That ought to be a good addition to the cast."_ _Suddenly, the phone rang. "Hmm?" Sighing, the author picked up the ringing phone. "Yes? TriMinakami here, your lovely author who sometimes loves to do crappy shit."_

 _"Why is Kanan here!? She's not an N character!"_

 _Shrugging, the author scratched its box head. "Well, she'll probably disappear like after the next chapter, so... deal with it."_

 _"No! What the heck is th-"_

 _It put down the phone and laughed._

"Uh, where'd you even get a mobile phone?" Reine asked.

Emma shrugged and threw the phone away, hearing it break but ignoring it. "Alright, um... let's get back to business."

"No, I think that's my line..." Kanan muttered, getting their attention.

Sayuri clapped, smiling. "Oooh, she's still here! You're Matsuura Kanan, right?"

The bluenette recoiled, shocked. "W-what? How did you know my name?"

Reine sighed. "Fourth wall benefits."

"Fourth wall bene... what?" Kanan shook her head. "No, wait, that's not the point here!" She bowed. "I... I have witnessed your magician's skills and believe that you are a group of talented adventurers... therefore," she looked up with a determined stare, "I would like to request your help with the eradication of the Mein kingdom's soldiers."

Emma stood glued to the ground.

"Huh?"

 _(*By the way, the kingdom our lovely protagonists are from is the Mein Kingdom. Yes, it's a lame name.)_

* * *

(Ending Theme 1)  
("baby maybe Koi no Button")

(Speaking of rabbits, they taste good. Not that I would know.)

* * *

 **"Uh, what's with that? If you haven't eaten rabbits at all, don't say they taste good."**

 **"The author's always been stupid anyways, so you know. Ignore it."**

 **"Say... I've noticed something, Miss Saeki, but isn't this story kind of... like G*ntama?"**

 **"Sayuri! You weren't supposed to say that!"**

 **"E-eh? Why?"**

 **"Because it's already obvious that the author is ripping off G*ntama."**

 **"You shut up, Miss Saeki! Jeez... well, t-to be specific, it's inspired by G*intama, not ripping off G*ntama."**

 **"We're saying G*ntama a lot, aren't we?"**

 **"W-well, um, next chapter! Fighting with soldiers, epic things... being considered!"**

 **"Oh, nice going Sayu- wait, being considered!?"**

 **"Bye~"**

 **"Heeeey!"**


	4. It's Really Rude to Break Someone's Yoyo

**Disclaimer:** Love Live belongs to whoever it belongs to. I do not own Love Live.

When meeting someone new, always be slightly cautious and even more so if you have absolutely no idea who they are. If you recognize them as a classmate, or at least someone from your school or workplace, keep your guards up as you never know what kind of person they may be. If it's a complete stranger that you don't recognize at all, please try not to open up to them completely and always stay on the mindset that they may be tricking you. If it's Santa Claus, uppercut him and steal his bag of presents. You deserve it after all you've suffered in life.

 **"Hold on, hold on, what the hell was that last part?"**

 **"Well, I mean... you know, Santa is pretty shady anyways. Who the heck lives all the way at the North Pole?"**

 **"I-it's not necessarily always the North Pole though..."**

 **"Not the point, Sayuri. Why would anyone teach people to beat someone up, especially some fictional grandpa?"**

 **"To be fair, Santa's probably a pedophile. Always putting kids on his lap... sicko."**

 **"Stop ruining kids' childhood, Miss Saeki!"**

 **"Santa Claus is a jerk... no wonder he doesn't have kids and always aim for others' kids."**

 **"Hey! Apologize to Saint Nicholas! Apologize right now!"**

* * *

"Hey, Emma..." Reine yawned and closed her book. She sat up straight on the couch and scratched her head. "Can you pass me a Pocky? It's chocolate, right?"

Emma, similarly reading another book, sighed. "Uh, no. I'm not even eating anything... wait, huh?"

"What a useless girl. Sayuri, gimme some."

"Wait, what?"

The half-human half-demon girl beamed and passed her leader a stick. "Here you go, Miss Saeki!"

"Good girl," Reine said. She patted her second teammate, plopped the Pocky stick in her mouth, and stretched her arms. Deciding to be a bit bold, Sayuri chomped on the other end of her Pocky stick, and the two gazed into each other's eyes. _Oh..._ Reine thought. _Ro-man-tic..._

" _My ass!_ " Emma chopped the stick in half, rage in her eyes while the two girls jumped back in surprise. "What the hell is up with this scene!?"

"What's up with you?" her leader asked. "Jealous over a kiss?"

The brunette whipped her head towards Reine with a blush. "That wasn't a kiss yet!"

"Would've been, if it weren't for you meddling girl!" Sayuri said, suddenly dressed up as a criminal.

"Don't Scooby-Doo that!" Turning back to her leader, Emma started yelling again, "Why are we back here at our house!?"

"My house."

"Your house, right. We began the last chapter exactly like this!" Exasperatedly, she clutched her hair out of frustration. "Why are we back here? Weren't we meeting with Kanan from Sunshine at the end of the last chapter!?"

Reine sighed. "Well, if that's where you want to continue, then sure."

"Pumpkins!" Sayuri exclaimed.

The other two stared at her. "...huh?"

* * *

(Opening Theme 1)  
("Bokura no LIVE Kimi to no LIFE")

(It's been a year, 4 months and 21 days. Wow.)

* * *

"The eradication of the... Mein kingdom?" Emma asked. "But that's the kingdom we're in..."

"What do you mean?" Sayuri asked the stranger and disregarded her companion's question. "I believe the Mein Kingdom hasn't done anything wrong..."

Reine scratched her head. "Yeah, that's a pretty confusing demand. So confusing, the author even went off-topic after the opening theme."

"Uh, no, he does that every chapter either ways..." Emma said. "But man, it really has been quite a long time..."

Coughing to regain their attention, Kanan continued to speak. "Y-you see, the truth is... some really shady business has been going between the Mein Kingdom and neighboring kingdoms, and-"

"Wouldn't it be safer to report it to the officials there?" Emma cut in. "I mean, we're not _exactly_ praiseworthy adventurers who can deal with big problems like these..."

Kanan fidgeted uncomfortably. "B-but you see... umm..."

"How challenging could the problem be, though?" Sayuri interrupted. "There aren't that many strong adventurers nowadays, asides from those who are almost legendary from the past..."

"That is," Reine said, "unless the problem isn't foreign."

"Huh?" Her two companions turned to the leader, confused. "What do you mean?"

Sighing, the yoyo-swordsgirl aimed her blade at a small gap between the forest's trees, where a small view of a castle stood tall from the direction they had been walking away from. "The kingdom's higher-ups are the problem themselves."

"W-what...? But," the brown-haired companion choked, "that can't be possible! Our kingdom is brimming with kind nobles and generous heroes! There can't be corruption within the-"

"That's right," Kanan resumed to the shock of Reine's two companions. "The Mein Kingdom's officials have been contacting and conducting foul business with some neighboring kingdoms and also various tribes of monsters. They've been discussing plans for expanding their territory and joining forces to target weaker kingdoms," she explained. "Some that they've been considering are the Shion Village, Seiran Town, Chitose Canyon and Touou Kingdom!"

"T-that's impossible...! Wait, the Touou Kingdom!?" Emma exclaimed. "That's a risky move! Why would anyone dare attack the kingdom of that great Princess Saiki?"

Kanan gritted her teeth. "The princess of Touou Kingdom is currently ill and thus hasn't been taking much action for a while. She is also unaware of our kingdom's plans for invasion... what horrendous plans..."

Sayuri frowned. "Hold on a moment... did you just say, S-Shion Village?" she asked. The fourth girl nodded. She shivered, discomfort showing on her face as clear as daylight. "T-that's... my hometown..." she said.

"R-really!?" Emma asked. "Then that's all the more reason we should stop them! ...w-wait, how do we know any of this is true?" she asked, whipping her head back to Kanan. "You could be lying for all we know, and planning to ambush us later!"

Kanan flinched. "W-why would I do that? I don't even know who you people are, and I'm not a bandit!"

The brunette shook her head. "No, but we _were_ being chased just earlier and you could be pretending not to know us. Right, Miss Saeki?" she asked her leader.

Reine looked away, whistling. "I mean... uh... yeah, totally."

"Why are you nervous all of a sudden?" Emma asked. Then, within a few seconds of thinking, she remembered. "Wait, it was _your_ fault to begin with that we got chased!" she exclaimed. "What did you even do!?"

"If I recalled correctly," Sayuri said, "it had something to do with a massacre...!" Shocked, the two jumped back from their leader. "Y-you're a murderer!?"

"Hell no! Of course I'm not!" Reine shrieked. "Do I seem like the kind of person who'd meaninglessly kill off an entire village!? Of course not, you bozos!"

"U-uh, sure."

Kanan cleared her throat again. "A-anyways, will you three please help me in stopping this madness going on from within the castles of our kingdom?"

Reine raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, sure, I don't mind. However..." She pointed her sword to the blue-haired girl, to the shock of her comrades. "Wouldn't it be better for you to reveal your full identity first before getting our trust, stranger?"

"W-what are you talking about?" Kanan asked. "I-I'm just a wandering soldier from the Mein Kingdom, Matsuura Kanan..."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" Reine asked. "if so, you clearly don't have much experience with disguising yourself."

A hand stopped the black-haired leader's shoulders. "W-wait, Miss Saeki. Are you sure about accusing her of being a fake?" Emma asked.

"I can't see anything that seems fake with her at all..." Sayuri commented.

Reine didn't budge. "Hey, Emma. Do you know who Matsuura Kanan is?" she asked. "Asides from not being an N character."

Emma frowned. "Of course I know who she is!" she said and cleared her throat. "Matsuura Kanan is one of the legendary group of mages, the Nine Shining Magicians. She's the wisest of those mages, and is extremely skilled in water magic. She's also achieved the most amount of feats in the group, such as defeating almost deadly monsters such as the Aquatic Behemoth, the Plasma Tigerwhale, and even fought on par with the infamous Phantom Mermaid!" As if proud of her knowledge, she clenched her fist with excitement. "Her most notable feat was fighting the Eyesploder beast with her group and delivering the decisive blow! ...though as of now, she's missing along with the other legendary magicians."

Sayuri whistled. "Wow, she sounds really strong!" she said. "She must be the strongest of her group... those monsters aren't just for show, and defeating those are really amazing feats..."

"Noticed anything yet?" Reine asked. Sayuri frowned, but shook her head. "Someone as amazing as how Emma described it... why would she be struggling with such a trivial kingdom problem?" she asked. "Furthermore, she's a mage, isn't she?"

Emma scratched her head. "Well... yeah, but that doesn't mean...!" She realized something. "Miss Matsuura... you shouldn't be wielding a sword, but a cane..." Pointing at the huge broadsword strapped to the newcomer's back, she asked, "...so what is that?"

"Furthermore," Reine said, "the Kanaan everyone knows is busty and has huge tits. This faker's chest is as flat as a washboard!" she exclaimed, dramatically pointing at the blue-haired girl.

"Well, it's not like the author actually described her body's bust size..." Sayuri pointed out. "There's no way any of the readers would've known, but... yeah."

Sighing, not-Kanaan ejected the strap around her and let the broadsword drop to the floor. "A-alright, I deceived you guys about my identity. I'm sorry about that." She pulled her wig off, revealing brownish orange hair. "My name's Hasekura Kasane. I like disguises, because I can test out many appearances," she explained. "But that's trivial right now, the problem is real and I seriously need help with purging our kingdom from these corrupt ways of thinking..." Performing a dogeza, she placed her forehead on the ground's dirt. "I- I beg of you three, please help me! Please help me save the innocent villages and kingdoms!"

"Hey, see? That wasn't so hard at all." Smiling, Reine offered a hand of assistance. "Get up, girl. We'll help for sure, right?"

"W-well..." Emma whispered. "...fine. I just hope things don't take a turn for the worse..."

"The worst that could happen is us becoming outlaws!" Sayuri exclaimed with an unnaturally happy face, accompanied by a chuckle.

"That's not something to be laughing at, Sayuri!" her brown-haired companion shouted.

Kasane smiled. "You girls... thank you, from the bottom of my heart." She got up, dusting her clothes off. "It's nice to meet you three. Now, they're going to be holding a meeting to finalize their plans and initiate it really soon." She pointed to the gap showing their kingdom's castle. "We need to hurry and interrupt the meeting, to bring them to their senses. There's no time to prepare... are you girls ready?" she asked.

"R-right now!?" Emma uncomfortably shifted, but after seeing the determined looks of her partners, she sighed. "Okay, I guess I have no other choice..."

"Let's hurry!" Sayuri exclaimed. "My hometown may be in danger if the meeting goes through!"

"Rock and roll, girls!" Reine exclaimed as the four immediately rushed back towards their kingdom.

* * *

The gang sneakily crept through the town they had just escaped from, and as they kept watch for the supposedly evil manager, they made their way towards the castle. The news probably hadn't spread at all, as none of the villagers even recognized Reine, despite the crimes she supposedly committed. A few soldiers guarding the castle entrance noticed the group.

"Miss Hasekura! W-welcome back!" one of the men saluted. "What seemed to be the matter? You were in such a hurry to leave..."

The orange-haired cosplayer waved. "It's alright now, nothing to be worried about."

They nodded with relief, before staring at the other girls. "Who might these young fellows be?" they asked.

"They're, uh... my friends, yeah. I invited them over to talk about work."

Emma and Sayuri politely greeted them, to which they returned shyly. One guard paled at the sight of Reine, however. "M-Miss Hasekura! Is that-"

"I'm Raina M*ran! Best friend of Adlet M*yer, the self-proclaimed Strongest Man in the World!" Reine lied. "I'm capable of maintaining my consciousness while I'm turned into a zombie, and-" She was interrupted when Emma smacked her across the head. "Ow!"

"Like hell you can!" the brunette yelled. "If you were a zombie then we'd already kill you by then!"

Sayuri scratched her head. "Why _'Raina'_ though? Fremy would've been a better choice."

"Stop mixing characters with the Six Flowers!" Emma said. "In the first place, Raina's a guy, so this was entirely off from the beginning!"

"Well, I'm still totally Raina, though." Clearing her throat, Reine patted the confused soldiers as if to reassure them. It somehow worked, as they decided it's better to just believe she's Raina and not Reine, simply looking similarly to the supposedly wicked criminal. How'd they know about that? Certain information was shared within the castle only, of course.

"A-anyways, let's get going. Shall we?" Kasane suggested, scratching her brownish orange hair. The others nodded and followed after her, disappearing into the stony hallways. "While we're walking, I should explain things some more. You see, the Mein Council is holding a meeting in this castle, with representatives from other nations. Our kingdom's plans are currently leaning towards the 'invade the weak' direction..."

"That's terrible..." Sayuri said. "Must they resort to ruling over the weak? What happened to the concept of living in peace and harmony?"

Kasane gritted her teeth. "Peace and harmony... the damn nobles are just too blind to perceive such possibilities." Scowling in disgust, the cosplayer-slash-warrior curled her right hand into a fist of slight rage. "I swear, if I could change this kingdom..."

Reine smiled. "Well, that's why we're here to help you. Aren't I right?"

The anger slowly subsided. Kasane smiled. "I guess so. Thanks again, you three."

Emma and Sayuri nodded with their respective smiles, glad to be of help. However... "Miss Saeki...? What's wrong?"

The girl was trembling. Reine rubbed her stomach weakly. "W-well... um, sorry to disturb the nice atmosphere, but..." She patted Kasane. "Hasekura, can you take me to a nearby restroom...?"

Her two companions sighed. "Bad stomach, huh...?"

"S-sorry... just give me directions or something..."

Kasane smiled. "Well, guess I can't help it. I'll lead you there," she offered. "Though, we _are_ lacking in time..."

"D-don't worry, we can wait..." Sayuri said.

Some female warriors conveniently turned the hallway and entered their sight. They noticed Kasane and rushed to the group. "Captain Hasekura! Welcome back!"

The cosplayer smiled. "You girls, just at the right time!" She turned to her two of three guests. "Can I have you two proceed with the plan with my subordinates? They're also against the invasion of the weak," she said. "Just make sure to interrupt the meeting and get the representatives to change their minds. If needed, a bit of violence should be fine."

Emma frowned. "W-well... I guess I'm fine with that. Sayuri?"

The black-haired mage shrugged. "I am also fine with that Will Miss Saeki be fine?" she asked.

Reine nodded weakly. "Yeah, I'll catch up, don't worry..."

"I pray your stomach does not explode."

"Don't say something scary!"

Kasane waved to her soldier girls. "I'm relying on you four!" she said. "Keep these two safe!"

"Got that, captain!" The group of four women escorted Emma and Sayuri towards the meeting room.

Relieved, Kasane turned back to Reine. "Alright, now that that matter is done with... follow me," she said. "I'll take you to the restroom."

"O-okay..." Their conversation stopped and what remained was an awkward silence as the two walked. It felt like hours to the heroine, who began to wonder if they were wasting time with all the walking. "...um, are we there yet...?" she asked with a meek voice.

"Well, almost... but first, a question." Kasane stopped and turned to the black-haired girl with a confused stare. "Are you sure you need to go? We've been walking quite a while now, and you haven't bursted yet..."

Reine frowned. "...okay, fine. Maybe I didn't actually have to go that badly, but-"

"Oh well, might as well as burst soon anyways." An arrow suddenly struck the girl, colliding heavily against the wall in what would seem like a violent explosion of dust. Stone bricks crumbled to the ground, Kasane slowly stepping back. "Guess explosive magic imbued into arrows really work well, don't they?" she asked herself with a smirk. "Great job, guards."

"Our honor, captain!" the soldiers replied, a mix of male and female voices. They saluted their captain and rushed to the scene, with almost full confidence that their attack worked.

Dusting specks off her clothing, Kasane stared at the cloud of dust covering the body of her victim. "Isn't that just nice, Saeki Reine? Died on the way to the toilet... how humiliating for a criminal." She laughed, and the other soldiers joined in the laughter.

That is, until a figure rushed out the dusty clouds and slashed around. The laughter almost died, save for Kasane's, and all the minor characters fell to the ground.

Surprised, the brownish orange-haired cosplayer jumped back. "W-what the... you're alive?" she asked.

"Of course I am," Reine's voice replied. "And so are these idiots... be grateful."

"What? But..." Kasane froze and saw Reine's hands holding her sword. To be more specific, the sword wrapped in its sheath. "Y-you swung it while the sheath was on...?"

Reine smiled. "To prevent killing them, duh."

 _That speed is still impossible to reach with the sheath on though..._ the captain of the soldiers swallowed her saliva, beginning to acknowledge a criminal's strength. "No wonder you're notorious amongst soldiers... your skills are not to be questioned."

"Oh, this isn't much..." Reine said. "But for breaking my toy yo-yo, I'll have your head!" she exclaimed, pulling her jacket slightly to reveal her toy yo-yo with an arrow barely piercing through it.

Kasane clicked her tongue. Her perfect plan of an explosion-powered arrow couldn't even pierce through a stupid yo-yo toy? "You've got to be kidding me..."

* * *

Emma and Sayuri sat on some clean couches, sipping from cups of coffee. The brunette glanced nervously at the four women who had escorted them to the waiting room, supposedly connected to the meeting room that would be held really soon. "...u-um, so... how long are we supposed to wait?"

One of them glanced at the brunette. "Just a couple more minutes, I suppose."

"O-okay..." In times like these, Emma wouldn't normally be this nervous. However, Hasekura Kasane was apparently a captain, and these four dames seemed pretty close to Kasane. It wouldn't be a stretch to say they might be the four strongest warriors below Kasane's level. "Say, these drinks..."

Another dame smiled. "Oh, those are our group's specialty! We use special healing ingredients and purified monster drops mixed together for those."

"No wonder they taste pleasant," Emma commented. Maybe they could get along after more of such casual conversation!

"Well, we _did_ include a special ingredient for these specific blends," a third dame added. "Something like... paralyzing poison, I believe."

"Wow, that's ama...zing?" Emma frowned. Did she hear that right? She got up, or rather she tried to, but found that she couldn't. "W-what's...!?"

The four soldiers pointed their swords at the two, with hostility in their eyes. "Sorry. I know we just met, but we have to get rid of you two."

"T-this is bad! Sayuri!"

The mage calmly put down her cup and stood up. "Hmph. Is that all?" she asked. The half-demon idol reached into her pockets and grabbed a handful of glowing powder, then tossed it at Emma. "Here, this should cure you from paralysis."

Finding herself able to move again, Emma muttered a 'thanks' to her partner and readied her lance, glaring back at their four opponents. "H-how could you?"

Sayuri shook her head. "We need to calm down first, Emma... we're outnumbered."

"R-right... damn, if only Reine was here..." The brunette widened her eyes. "T-that's it! Reine! If these four are evil, then Kasane must be evil too!"

Her partner frowned. "Oh, that's right... this isn't looking good at all," she said as her eyes scanned her opponents. "We're cornered and outnumbered, and Reine might be in trouble... this is..."

"Soooo bad, am I right?" one of the soldiers said with a smirk.

"Troublesome? I'm lazy, but this is part of my job..."

"No, it's more cool. Getting rid of intruders... that."

"Nuh uh, it's definitely justice! Or something."

Sayuri suddenly smiled, her face flushed red. "T-this is so arousing!"

Emma and the four enemy dames blankly glanced at Sayuri.

"...what?" New opinions were certainly forming.

* * *

(Ending Theme 1)  
("baby maybe Koi no Button)

(I need to start updating more frequently. All my stories.)

* * *

 **"What the fuck, Sayuri!?"**

 **"Hey now, don't swear. Swearing is never good."**

 **"No, but seriously! What the fuck, Sayuri!?"**

 **"Hehe... sorry. I just like it when I'm in danger, you know...? Thrill of survival, that stuff."**

 **"No no no. Something's definitely wrong with you."**

 **"Say, the author is right. He should update more often..."**

 **"Don't change the subject now! You're disturbingly creepy!"**

 **"Come now, Menma. It's not like it changes the story much. I mean..."**

 **"My name is Emma!"**

 **"Anyways, next chapter! Definitely fights! ...being considered."**

 **"Agaaaiiiin!?"**


End file.
